Clockwork Orange

Color me Orange this time of year. If I can score oranges and orange juice at a good price--I'm there! Fast Freddie's got the smoking deal on both of these juicy treats this week. Butcha better hurry, the party ends tomorrow.

First, you can get plump, prime navel oranges for about 25 cents each. Technically, the price is 38 cents a pound. Who cares about the price per pound? It's the price per orange that really counts. And right now that's about two bits. Sweet! (As Napoleon Dynamite would say.)

The other smoking deal is half gallons of orange juice for a buck. Yep, you read that right--two bucks a gallon. It don't get no better than that. I've seen orange juice here in Idaho Falls recently for as high as $6 a gallon. That's obscene. When Fast Freddie lays down a hot rod coupon special in the Sunday paper, I'm all over it.

Since orange juice is a high acid liquid it's coded way out into the future. I generally buy 3-4 gallons and feel like I'm stealing when I walk out of the store.

Here's a tip for dealing with Freddie. Late in the ad cycle, like maybe Saturday, Freddie will run out of coupons. They can't be found. But the overseer of the Self-Check area always has one coupon section tucked on her desk. So I go hang out acting like I am waiting to pick up a prescription and when she turns her back--BAM--I swipe those coupons faster than an Mexican pick pocket. Then I come back through the line with her coupon section and say (sweetly, of course) "Here's your coupons back."

I always get a real scowl out of the Self-Check Supervisor but whadda they gonna do? Call the cops? Hardly, I ain't done nothing wrong and they know it. It's always a hilarious little gambit to enjoy the end of Fast Freddie's ad cycle.